Shepherding a Child’s Heart

Dear Fathers,

Imagine your son or daughter in 30 or 40 years. What one phrase would sum up everything that you hope for in the life and character of your son or daughter?

Amy Chua (the “Tiger Mom”) recently published a book called Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother which contrasts the “western” approach to parenting with the Chinese approach which she considers superior. Here is how she sums up the two views:

Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment. By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

I think the “Tiger Mom” would answer my question by saying she would want her children to be successful. And she would argue that there is an absolute standard of success. In her view “success” is always getting A’s and never an A minus or less. Her hope is that her children will work at whatever they are doing until they reach that perfect grade.

Of course there is nothing wrong with success and hard work and doing well at what you are doing. But does success really sum up our hope for the future as Christians? Even if our son or daughter is the most successful person of their generation will that really be enough? Jesus asks this question in Mark 8:36, “For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul?”

So what is the answer? What phrase should describe our hope for our children? Jesus tells us a couple of verses earlier:

And calling the crowd to him with his disciples, he said to them, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.

Mark 8:34-35 ESV

Jesus calls us to “come after” him. This is what it means to be a disciple of Christ. This is my hope for my children to be a…

Disciple of Christ

If my children as adults are fully devoted disciples of Christ, my hope for them will be realized. And Christ does not just give us a phrase but he also clearly defines it. These disciples are not just Christian In Name Only, they are doing three things: 1) Denying themselves (huge!), 2) willingly sacrificing themselves for the cause of Christ (even unto death), and 3) following Christ in their life. I get excited just thinking about it. If my children are doing those things what more could I want?

If your hope is that your children grow to become fully devoted disciples of Christ, I want to recommend the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Tedd Tripp. In my opinion this book is a  modern classic. It will help parents understand their role as partners with the Holy Spirit in leading their children to become disciples of Christ. We must remember that our children’s greatest problem and their only solution is the same as with all mankind. Our collective problem is sin and our collective answer is our savior Jesus Christ.

But what are we, fathers, doing today to help lead our children toward being disciples of Christ? My family has done a lot in the last two years, including: piano lessons, the softball practices, the school work, the music competitions, the art classes, the vacations to amazing places, the museums, Sunday School, etc. In doing all these things was I (or am I) doing them in hope of my children becoming something other than a disciple of Christ? Is them becoming a disciple of Christ a lower goal or hope?

We are in the process of adopting two boys from Haiti. I just know that I will be tempted to push them into sports because of my secret hope that one of them will be the next Pierre Garçon (Haitian born wide receiver for the Colts).

All those things I am doing for my children are good things, but what good is it if they master those areas but forfeit their soul?

Clearly my job as their father is to disciple them. But to do it right is to disciple them in Christ, not in success.

Do you want your child to not hit their siblings? Or do you want your child to deal with anger at the heart level with the power of the Holy Spirit?

Do you want your child to work hard? Or do you want your child to work heartily knowing they are serving the Lord Jesus Christ?

Here is a harder one for us as parents: Do you want your child to be a successful (fill in the blank)? Or do you want your child to deny his own desires, be willing to sacrifice self, and then do whatever Christ calls him to do?

Tedd Tripp will help you to see your call as a father to lead your children in partnership with the Holy Spirit toward being disciples of Christ, not disciples of “success.”